If you read my post last week, How To Create The Best Fantasy Football Team Ever, you know that I was super excited about the upcoming draft for my all girl Fantasy Football League. I had the PERFECT strategy…I was picking all the hot guys! Not hot as in “best statistics” hot. No, I was picking HOT players as in “eat crackers in my bed” hot! If I’m going to be watching these guys week after week, shouldn’t I pick the ones that will be the most fun to watch? In fact, I named my team the Fun Money Fantasies just for that reason.
The most important, must-have player on my list was Eric Decker. Have you seen this guy? Let me introduce you…
I HAD to have him on my team! I don’t care that everybody told me not to pick him first…he’s the hottest guy in football which makes him my star player! To make it even more fun, I also had
great cheesy lines to go with each pick. Eric Decker’s line? “I hope he’s religious ’cause he’s the answer to all my prayers”.
If he were a transformer, he’d be Optimus Fine!
I wish I was hammered so I could see two of him
Is he a magician, ’cause ABRA-CA-DAYUM
His father must be Li’l Caesar ’cause he’s hot-n-ready
Sadly, I never got to use my awesome lines.
Draft day came and I was ready…I even picked up some chicken wings but I skipped the beer in lieu of red wine. Some of my league-mates met at a bar to make their picks but since I didn’t have a babysitter, I tried my best to recreate the scene at home.
Since I’d never done this before, I had no idea how crazy it was going to be. My husband’s league always took their time and their draft literally lasted all day. However, we did ours by computer and you only got 90 seconds to make your selection. The first couple rounds were easy (yes, I got Decker) but then the clock turned into my enemy and started totally stressing me out. Everybody was taking all my players (and my backups) and I didn’t have time to keep googling for hot guys. I definitely didn’t have time to add my cheesy lines…and they were so good, too! I just had to start randomly picking people and to be honest, I’m still not even sure who the heck Mike Wallace and David Johnson are!
Anyway, here’s who I ended up with:
QB: Aaron Rodgers
Wide Receivers: Eric Decker, Danny Amendola, Mike Wallace
Running Back: Todd Gurley (couldn’t pass him up…Georgia Bulldogs are my team!), Reggie Bush
Tight End (I hear you snickering): Jordan Cameron
W/R/T: Tyler Eifert
Kicker: Mason Crosby
Defense: St. Louis
Back-up Players: Miles Austin, Jay Cutler, Coby Fleener, David Johnson, Mike Nugent
So when the draft is over, Yahoo gives you a “Report Card” based on your picks and the report card guy obviously has it out for me. He gave me a “D”!!! (though one of my friends pointed out that maybe it’s D for Decker). Not only that, out of 12 teams, he predicted that I would come in 12th! The nerve of this guy!
Personally, I think he’s just jealous of all the hotness on my team. He could also use a lesson in manners…his mama obviously never taught him that if you can’t say something nice, just drink a beer (or something like that)
Here were some of his comments:
*For many, the last pick in a snake draft is a coveted position, offering the opportunity to draft two players back-to-back. For Fun Money Fantasies, it’s an opportunity to blame this roster on picking last.
*Projected to finish 12th in The Real Housewives of LWR League, this gem of a roster is expected to go 0-13-0
*Yikes. At least it can’t get any worse. In fact, if you nominate yourself for the Toyota Hall Of Fame, you’ll be an official nominee. Feel better?
…and my personal favorite:
*Fun Money Fantasies knows this isn’t European football, right?
Seriously, did he really just say that? Do you get the feeling that report card guy doesn’t think too highly of my picks? I’m not worried though because I know I’m going to prove him wrong! Eric Decker would never let me down!
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Photo of Eric Decker courtesy of Jeffrey Beall
Report card photo courtesy of Amboo Who?