4 Ways To Control An Out-Of-Control Three Year Old (a.k.a. How To Survive Toddler Tantrums)
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Toddler tantrums are no joke…we’ve all been there! If you’re still trying to figure out how to control your out-of-control three year old, these strategies can help!
We’ve all heard of the terrible twos. We know they’re coming and we can prepare. Well, as much as any mom can prepare for a totally unpredictable two year old.
What nobody every told me about was what happened when your child turns three. We’re led to believe that once they’ve hit their third birthday, they turn back into little angels…and it’s a complete lie! This is when the toddler tantrums really begin!
Both of my girls were pretty good at age two and three is when all you-know-what broke out. I was completely unprepared with my oldest but I found out pretty quickly. Of course, most of the time she was pretty adorable (thank goodness or we’d all stop after one kid), but those toddler tantrums could be pretty extreme.
Once she hit three, she’d decided that it’s her way or the highway and if things don’t go the way she wanted, well, you heard about it. When kids get a little older, you can at least reason with them but trying to reason with a three year old is like talking to a wall…a screaming wall.
However, by the second one I had a few tricks of my sleeve. That didn’t mean that my youngest didn’t still have tantrums too…she was even more feisty. It just meant that I had learned a thing or two about how to deal with them when they happened.
How To Survive Toddler Tantrums
Time Out
Yes, time out may be old fashioned but it works. My daughters HATED to be in time out and usually just the threat would be enough. That wasn’t always the case though and I learned an important lesson…following through with your punishments is a must.
If you constantly threaten time-out or another punishment, and don’t follow through, your child learns very quickly that it’s an empty threat. That also means that they’ll have no motivation to change their behavior. My children know that if mommy says you’ll go to time-out, you WILL go to time out.
It doesn’t even matter where we are because my daughters have been in time-out everywhere from Target to Macy’s. I like to use the tried and true method of minutes vs. age. Whatever your child’s age, that’s the amount of time they spend in time-out. Therefore, my three year old spends three minutes in time out. It may not sound like that long but it’s an eternity for a little one.
You can even use this Time Tracker to help your child count down the time until they’re “free” again.
Toy Time Out
So what do you do when your child won’t stay in time out? I’ve been there too and have found that in that case, her favorite toy needs to go in time out. The difference is that the toy stays in time out all day. I only had to do this a couple times until the fear of losing a toy (or blankie) all day outweighed the drama of sitting in time out for a few minutes.
Just Ignore It
I never expected a three year old to act like a teenager but sometimes my youngest would get so upset, she’d run to her room and slam the door. Sometimes if I ignored her long enough, she’d start playing and then forget she was even mad to begin with. She’d finish playing and would come out as if nothing had happened.
While I don’t condone regularly letting kids run to their room slamming the door behind them, sometimes giving my girls that time alone helped ME keep my sanity!
A Crying Table
This was an idea that I actually came up with when I was a Kindergarten teacher. I had a student that would get VERY upset when things didn’t go her way. I didn’t have my own kids yet and it it was the first time I’d dealt with real tantrums in my classroom.
After trying some things that didn’t work, I came up with the concept of a crying table. Basically, anytime she started crying, she had to go sit at a table in the back of the room. That was her “crying table” and it was totally up to her to rejoin the class when she was ready. She just had to be finished crying.
It worked like a charm because usually sitting at the crying table meant she was missing out on something fun. After a minute or two, she’d quietly get up and join us. I tried this with other children over the years and it was very effective. This gives kid the freedom to work through their emotions and end the tantrum on their own.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a table though. You can use pretty much any area, including these Time Out Spots.
Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh
My girls would say some funny things when they were mad and sometimes it’s hard not to laugh. These were a couple of my favorites…
“I AM REALLY MAD AT YOU!” Poor daddy…I had to put her in time-out right before I left the house. My husband walked into the room, not having had anything to do with it, and that’s what he got.
“I DON’T LOVE ANYBODY ANYMORE!” This was after a meltdown at the post office that continued into the parking lot. She refused to get into the carseat but I eventually won and she was none too happy about it. (On a side note, I’d rather wrestle an alligator than to try putting a 3 year old into a carseat when they don’t want to go!) Anyway, when she said this, I pretended to be hurt and she sweetly said through her tears “I DO love you mommy, I DO!!!”. It’s amazing how quickly they can go from tantrum back to total sweetness!
The funny thing is, most of the time my girls were the cutest, most adorable things ever (probably just like yours). Just remember that this is a stage and you will both get through it. In the meantime, just be as patient as you can and try above all else to keep your sanity.
Let’s be friends!
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Oh my goodness, but is 3 hard. I already knew that going into it from years of working childcare. But seriously, I’m ready to move on. We’ve started saying, “if you need to cry about it, you need to go to your room.” She has one of those pop-up play tents that she goes into when she needs to take a break. Works pretty well and when she’s ready, she comes back out and is ready to talk. God bless the friend who sent us that tent. 😉
(visiting from Frugal Friday)
That tent sounds perfect! Sometimes they just need a little “alone” time 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by!
xoxo
Lisa
Oh goodness, thanks for bursting my denial bubble. I was just telling my husband, oh people say three is harder, but two wasn’t that bad. He turns three in two months…
Maybe yours will be the exception…LOL! Fingers crossed 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by!
xoxo
Lisa
It has been 43.5-4.5 that has gotten us with our youngest and his HUGE personality!! The balance of correcting the behaviour while still ensuring the personality flourishes is a delicate balance.
That should read *3.5 not 43.5 — although I hear the 40s can be tricky, too 😉
It sure is! You’ll get through it though. My youngest is almost 5 and it’s gotten a lot easier. However, my oldest has hit the tween years so we’re right back into another difficult stage LOL!
Oh my, yes – 3 can be tough. 4 has been a trial many days as well. We don’t have so much the tears in my house, but lots and lots of attitude!
The attitude starts early! I can only imagine what the teenage years will be like…uh oh!
Thanks so much for stopping by!
xoxo
Lisa
I’ve heard of the threes…. the threeanger they say. Since my daughter is already throwing fits (at 2) when things don’t go her way, or for reasons unknown to me. Or because she said she was hungry, so I said “Ok, I’ll make lunch”. I sure hope three doesn’t get worse! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your tips at Idea Box.
Oh man, can I have a crying chair? Lol. I don’t have kids, but I really enjoyed reading this. Gives me some pointers for one day when I do. Thank you for sharing at Merry Monday!
LOL…sometimes I think I may need my own crying chair when the tantrums start (although they already seem to be waning, thank goodness). Yes, just be prepared that you are not completely in the clear once you get past the “terrible twos”. The good thing is that three year olds are super cute when they’re not having their tantrums!
xoxo
Lisa
oh yes, the threes. When my kids were two, they were easy, then came the third birthday and I wasn’t sure where my little sweeties went! So far, in my seven years experience as a parent, three year olds are the worst…but I was warned that puberty is nearly as bad but with rougher language. lol
Timeout usually worked for my sobbing monkeys.
And I thought the two’s are suppose to be terrible! lol Great tips. Stopping by from the Friendship Friday hop, come say hi!
The two’s were easy compared to the three’s (at least with my girls). Fortunately my little one is already starting to get past her tantrums, knock on wood 🙂
xoxo
Lisa
I have quite a mellow 3 year old son but my gosh, my 2 year old is going to be a terrible 3 year old. I’m envisioning lot’s of hair pulling (that would be me pulling out my hair!). We do time out in their room and usually the threat alone is enough but the boundaries are definitely being pushed in recent months. Little rascals 🙂
Thank goodness they’re cute, right? Hopefully you won’t lose too much hair…LOL
Thanks so much for visiting!
xoxo
Lisa
Great post. Pinned and tweeted. We appreciate you stopping by to party with us. We hope to see you, Monday at 7 pm. Happy Sunday! Lou Lou Girls
I’ll see you there 🙂
xoxo
Lisa
I heard about the terrible threes, but with my daughter (now almost 6) it was probably my favorite age. So far that is…But I’m terrified my son whose only 3 months right now, won’t be quite as charming. We’ll see when we get there, but I love the crying table. I think that’s a great idea! Thanks for sharing!
#SITSBlogging
Maybe you’ll get lucky twice…you never know 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by!
xoxo
Lisa
I giggle how people refer to them now as threenagers – SO true! I too thought we avoided it when our first born eased himself through year two only to wake up the day he turned three and completely change! Thank you for sharing at Waiting on…Wednesday! Hope to see you back tomorrow!
Holly @ http://www.iwillservewhileiwait.blogspot.com
Threenager is SUCH a good phrase for it. We have no idea where my three year old learned to run into her room and slam the door like a teenager…nobody in our house does that. We just have to laugh because it’s so funny! Luckily they turn four eventually!
xoxo
Lisa
I’m about to enter the terrible 3 year old stage with my little boy. He’s been pretty challenging lately with the tantrums and crying. Love the idea of the crying table!!
Good luck! It can be rough but for us it passed fairly quickly (about 4 months or so). Hopefully it will go by fast for you too! You may want to stock up on wine, just in case…LOL!
xoxo
Lisa
I have 5 kids and I have ALWAYS said, “Why do they warn you about the terrible 2s? The real problem is the thundering 3s.” These methods are great. I haven’t tried the crying chair before, but my only daughter is always turning on the water works. I think I’ll try it with her!
Thanks for all these ideas.My son is 3 in another 3 months.But suddenly he started different behavior which I cant control.I guess he is showing age changes of 3 years old.I found this post when I visited the linkup today.It seems I have to prepare for his age 3.Thanks again.
I hope this helps! I really thought I was in the clear when my little ones turned 3 but boy, was I wrong! Luckily, it can be short lived if you try these things. Good luck 🙂
LOL…I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face if my little ones said “I don’t like you when I’m bad”! Classic! Thanks for sharing 🙂
I like the idea of the crying table – like that is the place where you go and do that, get it out, leave it over there… It is worth a shot.
Yes, you’d be amazed at how well it works! You just have to completely ignore them while they are there.
Lisa, so glad I finally joined your page! Never would have predicted that a high school friend would have a blog that helps me maneuver through raising a child and adjusting to being a stay at home mom. My daughter will be 3 next April. It’s getting more challenging each month, so thanks for reminding me how cute they can be!
I’m so glad you found it! I never thought I’d have a blog either…it’s funny how life leads you down different paths sometimes 🙂
Yes, it’s good that they’re cute because 3 year olds can make you want to pull your hair out sometimes…LOL! Luckily I’ve found that the tantrum phase goes by pretty quickly so I’ll cross my fingers that it’s the same for you.
Omg needed this my 3 year old is taking all my energy!! It can become very stressful I will use these tips for tomorrow’s tantrum!!!!
I totally remember those day! Trust me, it does get easier…until they become teenagers LOL! I’m so glad you found my tips and I hope they help. You’ve got this! 🙂
This was so spot on. My son is about to be 3 and he has flipped some monster switch. He can go from sweet to satanic is 3 seconds. I have been struggling with the different ways to handle this phase. I was a preschool teacher for 10 years and I thought I would be ready for this but it is totally different with your own. I have implemented a time out chair and it is sort of starting to work. He just gets so mean and screams at the top of his lungs when he gets mad. I have to remind myself that I need to take a deep breath before I attempt to tame the beast.
Just this morning he told me in a less than quiet voice ” I’m so frustrated that I can’t watch Paw Patrol…Mommy you are so frustrating!!!” Where did this child come from hahahahahah
It’s always so funny to me when they say stuff like that and sound like tiny adults! Hang in there! I know it’s rough but it gets better (but then eventually they become teens…I may be missing the 3 year old when that happens LOL)
We are dealing with this right now with our 3 year old son. We’re halfway out of this age bracket, but holy hell! He’s a nightmare. I know we don’t help when we yell back so we’re trying to contain ourselves. Thank you for letting us know that this is a NORMAL stage and our baby isn’t the only terror in the world of three’s. I appreciate the tips and will be utelizing them ASAP!
Hang in there! People talk about the terrible twos but I thought three was MUCH harder! You’ve got this 🙂